Steve is a dick...

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A little dick here, a little non-dick there...

But see, not like that. First, can we all agree that everyone is a mix of dick and not-dick? The late great Carrie Fisher said something of the sort (I’ve been going through reading her best quotes and tonight I bought the latest audiobook; she passed this morning; god, she was alive and funny and great.) Anyway, yea Leia said it and so it’s true.

Anyway, what’s great about Steve is that he’s genuinely INTERESTED in absorbing and processing and expressing as many paradigms as possible; it means he can DEPLOY his dick when and where it’s needed. What? I’m talking about coming across like a jerk, it’s a metaphor. God you guys are sick. Anyway, there are times and places and rings where being a dick is PRECISELY WHAT IS NEEDED in order to further an agenda (training, working marks, etc.) And he’s not afraid to whip it out. The personality, I mean.

That, as opposed to people that live in some sort of state of suspended posture of personality. Forever “friendly” (cloying), “polite” (osbequious), or fake bad ass (everyone in pro wrestling). It’s tiresome to have to navigate through these tedious fronts all the time and Steve is a guy that can bullshit with the best, or worst depending on how you hold up your moral globe, of them but it’s the ability to CHOOSE an approach that sets him apart. Very few people choose their dispositions; they’re mostly just reactive and defensive which might still be okay if it strategically achieved a goal. It doesn’t.

So yeah, back to dicks. I mean, Steve being a dick. I’m rather down on most current-day pro wrestlers on the big screen (and the small barn) because to me it seems very few have anything resembling a gimmick or even the modern-day “more shoot” emotional investment in their persona that would compensate for the lack of a full blown gimmick. Mostly, they all just seem to want to be cool. Everyone wants to be cool. A cool face. A cool heel. Everyone is misunderstood or opaque. On purpose. They just…don’t get it, do they Scott?

One of those that I felt offered little in the way of character is Kevin Owens, but man his recent heel-mode diatribe at that kid in the audience at some live event almost turned me around. That’s how it’s done. Heat. When Steve wants to be a dick to get heat, are you kidding? Nobody better. Nobody smarmier and more invested in being ugly (as opposed to, you know, cool). Chicken shit heel, cowardly heel, whatever is required and not in a Kevin Nash wink wink way that comments on the performance and lets everyone know that he’s not “really” a chicken shit. My god, if a wrestler feels the need to defend that while performing…then where have they placed their real life ego and their performance ego? Somewhere that requires turning both sideways and shining them up before deploying them northerly, I assure you.

We need more dicks. More real heels. If everyone is cool, then on what basis am I popping for the face? Which is not to say that you can’t ENJOY watching the heel BE a heel (and that’s part of the entertainment, broadly speaking, the crying child scolded by Owens notwithstanding) but for god’s sake HURT ME and take something away that I cherish and make me CRAVE justice. Everyone loves Darth Vader, he of the all-time greatest uber-heels EVER and yes I realize ultimately it was all a misunderstanding borne of lava and love that dare not speak it’s utter lack of chemistry on the screen, but still he is set up as the factor that is in opposition to all that is good. He’s fucking cool as hell, but his evil isn’t compromised with wink-wink moments.

We need more pro wrestlers willing to commit to the STORY and do whatever is required of them rather than EVERYONE simply trying to use the audience to exorcise their demons, personal, creative or otherwise. It’s not about you, slapnuts. And THAT’S something Princess Leia’s bae said in an Actor’s Studio interview (speaking of which, Harrison Ford and Fisher apparently had a 3 month real-life fling on the set of the last Star Wars they were both in; how fucking cool is that?)

So, be like Steve. Be a dick when it’s appropriate, and may the Force be with you…but not in a too-cool fashion. You ain’t Darth Vader, baby.

You can follow Steve’s notably non-dickish work at Winter Gardens Magazine right here. And speaking of Star Wars, enjoy his review of said film right chea.