Uncle Money doesn’t mind. But Tre hates it. Uncle Money can do anything, except walk around a shitty ring in his shitty hometown without stepping into a hole in the ring and hyperextending his knee (which I’ll NEVER believe was as painful as he made it seem, big baby…although, admittedly, there is video footage of the ugly moment when his “stomping-with-my-other-foot-because-this-is-pro-wrestling-and-I-need-to-make-sound-to-dramatize-the-effect” is seen going lower than the surface of the ring. Ouch.)
Oh yeah, the other thing Uncle Money can’t do is beat Ehren Black. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get him to lay down. Then again, Ehren Black’s hairstylist can’t get his dreads to lay down so maybe there’s something else going on. #eternalfeud
Actually, the epic feud between these two big guys — one big from working out and one big from genetics and the nearest buffet — will have a really cool finale that I’m planning in conjunction with a friend of mine. They don’t know it yet, but we’re gonna create something TOTALLY NEW and NEVER BEFORE SEEN IN THE HISTORY OF PRO WRESTLING that will CHANGE THE FACE OF PRO WRESTLING FOREVER. Or else just a cool little experimental thing.
Anyway, I was saying Tre (the college GRADUATE that “performs” Uncle Money) hates being chopped on his thick, juicy, beautiful, lightly hairy chest (I know he’s reading this and it’s only fair that I make him feel uncomfortable after insulting Ehren, above. Fair is fair.); but yeah, he hates it which is one of those ironic things where the big guys are delicate in some way or other while the small scrappy guys beat the living shit out of each other in a nightly competition to see whose chops can cause a staph infection and a days-long handprint for no discernible reason other than to pop the locker room.
Back to the chops. So knowing this, his trainer Jim of course chops him. And chops him and chops him. Maybe that’s why he’s giving me the finger in that training pic. One of the things one hopes to eventually get out of a new wrestler is an appropriate and effective blending of their actual self with what they’re performing. Tre always yells out FUCKER! every time he gets chopped. That’s some reality for your ass. Because you can just tell he’s not used to being foul mouthed so it takes something like that to get an ejaculation like that out of him. What? I’m talking about words out of his mouth. You guys have dirty minds.
So anyway yea he hates chops. Which is NOT any kind of message to Ehren Black about what he should do to Tre over and over and over again in their upcoming match AT ALL! I would never suggest such a thing.
But I might bring a first-aid kit anyway.
(By the way, my favorite line so far that Tre wrote himself when it comes to promo work is when he refers to Black’s “trashy” Android phone as compared to his “beautiful” iPhone. LOL! See, when you talk about stuff that you REALLY feel, it just works. Fucking Apple fan boys. I know, I know, our phones blew up. Damn, now I’m on LG.)