Goddammit: Conspiracy Theorists!

I have a question for you faggots: what’s wrong with real knowledge?

I have a question for you faggots: what’s wrong with real knowledge? What do people have against learning actual facts? You know, like chemistry, physics, statistics, mechanics, calculus, biology?

Why, instead of learning actual facts — that you don’t know — this penchant for “researching” make-believe half-baked concepts some OBVIOUS con artist threw up on the interweb so that you can feel as if you’ve accessed some secret portal of “only-for-insiders” information about what temperature steel beams melt at or false flags or the earth being flat or who is “really” running the world or aliens living up your ass?

I mean there’s more to know than anyone could ever possibly learn in various fields of ALREADY ESTABLISHED knowledge! There are FREE COLLEGE COURSES ONLINE.

You’d think if someone had a true hunger for knowledge (the excuse they often give), they’d learn THOSE things rather than delve into THE ORIGIN OF THE UNIVERSE as their first topic. Motherfucker, do you know the origin of your tailbone? How a sundial works? The meaning of a gold standard? How filaments work? Shit, how your PHONE works that you are using to access all of this divine information? Do you know how to code? Do you know how batteries function and what they’re made from? Do you know how to write a check? Do you know how the economy functions? How to file a tax return? How to change a tire? How a car motor works? Do you know ANYTHING real?

Until you’ve read the Origin of Species and all the seminal works on the theory of evolution and can cogently explain natural selection, micro evolution, and everything else the theory holds I don’t want to hear your theory about being descended from aliens. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You don’t get to have an opinion on big subjects like that yet.

Please learn something substantive and genuine before you tell me you’ve solved THE MYSTERIES OF ALL TIME by reading a pamphlet on a website.

Jesus. FUCKING. CHRIST! WHY!!!?

P.S. “They” are not trying to kill us all with flouride, chloride, and Dasani water either.